Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Psychology of Bullying

I'm sure we all know a bully of some sort from when we were growing up. I had one named Tom who gave me trouble from 5th to 8th grade because I was the new kid. He had been left back twice already by the time I was in 5th grade, so he was 12 years old and he wasn't keen on changing his life. Every day Tom would make a comment about how I didn't fit in, or play a small trick on me (usually getting me to put out my hand and then erasing as quickly as possible on it so I would get a burn). He was a total "tough guy" outside of class; however in class, Tom was shy, quiet, and nervous.

The power he had over his little group of goons was empowering in a setting in which he felt he had no power. Bullying is about power, and when you cannot get it one way, you will resort to the easiest way to get attention. Tom was probably also having a problem growing up. His uncomfortableness with social development, behavior with others, and growing up in general kept him held back and acting like a child.

Tom was kicked out of my junior high in 8th grade, and the next time I saw him was the end of my freshman year in high school. He was also a freshman, and remained a freshman until my junior year. I saw Tom in the detention room every day on my way out of the building, and of course saw him pushing and bothering children (14-15 year olds) while he was 17. By the end of my junior year, Tom was kicked out of my high school.

Tom works at the mall by me now, he is one of those people who comes up to you and asks if you want to be a model.

Children need to "unlearn" violence. It starts in the home and is learned in the home. Once a child sees that it is acceptable to yell, fight, etc. they will use it outside of the home, particularly in school because it is their "home away from home". Bullies also know that their victims will not "tell on them" because the victim would feel embarrassed to tell a parent. The bully understands the mind of the child they bother, with full intent on the victim internalizing the pain.

This link explains the problems faced by the bully and the victim:

The bully will not get over the hunger for power on his/her own; and the continuation of the practice of bullying in a school means that the school needs to fix itself. Teachers may be more focused on getting good grades out of students rather than "cultivating kindness". This could result in any student with a learning disability to feel that they are a lost cause, and to become envious of other students. A number of solutions have been discovered to fight bullying:

1. We must measure and promote positive schools and communities/cultures, the school should include every child at every moment, and the teachers must always be attentive to issues among the students.
2. We must mandate emotional education, by teaching emotional health classes along with the core subjects (because the home isn't so safe sometimes).
3. Parent enrichment classes would help any parents that feel overwhelmed with their child.

"Ultimately, we need to shift our focus from “anti-bullying” to the real problem. The real problem being that these ill systems have focused upon getting students to pass tests, grades and get decent academic standings versus educating their hearts. And that children aren’t given any tools of emotional and social health so they do the best they can with what they’ve got – the problem being that so many kids just don’t have a lot." (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/201010/school-bullying)

Bullying is learned in the home, but it is cultivated in the schooling process. As I said earlier, it should be "unlearned" in the home, but if it isn't, it must be battled with until it is defeated with the school's help (instead of exacerbated).

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